I am self-conscious
I am conscious of myself
Of my words
Of my actions
Of my body
How can I not see my
How can I not value my
How can I not appreciate my
Does that mean
I am not self-conscious?
Am I truly seeing my whole self?
Because I refuse to believe
That I am all the awful things
That the inner parts of my mind want me to be
I am making a choice
To be more conscious of my whole wonderful self
Until I truly believe
I am wonderful.
The thing with hope is that it often is shadowed by fear.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel hopeful. I don’t know what will happen in my life…in my marriage…and I am okay. I know that I will always end up being okay. Even when it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever be okay again. We will all be okay.
I’m sure I’ve talked before about how I used to always feel ugly. How I longed for people to tell me that I’m beautiful. There was a huge whole in my psyche that refused to allow “good” thoughts to filter in. It was a really big problem. And it was also confusing. Let me explain:
Back in the day (3 years ago) when I started sewing, I could not imagine how quickly my skills would progress or how much joy I would get from sewing my own clothes. Continue reading
I’ve been a reader an avid reader for as long as I can remember. Continue reading
I love the mama and me trend that I’ve seen going around where mamas and their littles dress in coordinating outfits or even the same outfit. I have a couple of patterns that are the same as Laila Grace and I always have these grand plans of sewing the two of us cute little outfits. But, let’s face it, my sewing plan is usually, “SQUIRREL!” I let myself get pulled this way and that way by the latest and greatest patterns from my favorite designers. And I’m always working on something. Because sewing is therapeutic for me and a key component in helping me handle post partum depression and body image issues (this is also a good blog post).
I am black. My husband is white. My daughter is half white. Nearly half of my extended family is white. I receive conflicting responses, or even silence, when I talk to about issues that matter to me such as systemic racism, Black Lives Matter, body positivity and reproductive rights. It may seem contradictory that I am a pro-choice, Jesus-following feminist. Aren’t some of those ideologies conflicting? Continue reading