So, I have this problem. I like to be in control. Of everything. I know what you’re thinking, Dee…. you already knew this. But, I’m admitting it. I want to be able to tell everyone and every situation that I am in charge. It doesn’t always go well for me… actually, it never goes well. Wes can’t handle it when I try to boss him around but since he’s so sweet and so nice and so loving and loving and loving he never loses it when I’m bossy. He says he loves me for it. He knows me well enough to know that I don’t like being told to do anything so when he says he loves me for it, he’s really saying that he trusts me to work on the MANY issues that I have and that he will continue to love me THROUGH my issues.
One recent situation where I was worried out of my mind was when thinking of how to creatively pay for my last year of college. I hadn’t heard back from FAFSA to let me know how much money I would be receiving for the upcoming academic year so… I was worried. *Side note: I have been waiting my whole life to graduate from college and really didn’t want lack of funds to be the reason I couldn’t accomplish my goal.* I already knew that I was created to be a teacher (God had placed that desire in my heart at a time when I wasn’t even in college), so I knew that since He placed the desire in me, He would fulfill it. I knew that but I didn’t KNOW it. So, was leaving it in God’s hands and taking out of His hands. And leaving it… and taking it. Finally, I had a realization that I can’t give something to God and still fret over it (which was certainly what I was doing) and I decided to fully give it to Him. It was really hard. Really hard. And finally (as if I should really be surprised) my Daddy came through for His girl. Not only did I not have to worry but my whole last year of college is paid for with scholarships and grants with some money left over! That’s the kind of God I serve. He gave me more than enough =)
So, here’s the question: why would I need to usurp the control of the One Who holds everything in His hands? I need to remind myself of what God did for me when I am attempting to do just that. Hakuna matata…