For a little comic relief you can look at Urban Dictionary’s definition.
I’ve been learning how to be a teacher this week, well, since yesterday. And, yesterday was pretty bad. Partially because the day was filled with loads of teacher jargon (that- I’ll admit- I’m quite rusty on) and also because we had assigned seats. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “you’re a teacher, you torture your students with assigned seats all of the time!” And, you’re right, we do. But, when we give students assigned seats, it’s because there’s a purpose. Yesterday, I was convinced that the moderator seated me next to a particular person just to torture me. Ha! As if the moderator knows me and my many pet peeves… and I was convinced that she was treating us like little kids because of the assigned seats….
Anywho, I walked in to the room, signed in and went looking for my name tag in my assigned seat at my assigned table. I find my name, pull out the chair and start to sit down.
“Are you Tara?” asks the lady.
“No, I’m Sam, “ I say. Already annoyed. It’s amazing that even though I have Jesus in my heart I am constantly annoyed with humanity. It’s not their problem, it’s mine. But still…
“You’re supposed to sit over here. By me,” she says, “I already know because I’ve been here since 6:30 a.m.” Mind you, the meeting wasn’t scheduled to start until 8 a.m. and I got there (what I thought was a little too early) at 7:45 a.m.
–Queue the ever hated small talk.–
We exchange names and she asks where I’ll be teaching. I tell her and ask the same questions. She made it easy for me because she, apparently, loves to talk about herself.
“I’m going to be a math teacher at Such and So High School. I wrote the math curriculum. Don’t be annoyed if I seem like I know everything, because I do. I already worked in this district three years ago for two years…”
And, she was like that all. day. yesterday. The moderator would say something, the lady beside me would add her two cents. Freaking annoying.
“I’ve worked in the district for seven years,” I say, “not as a teacher. But, I’m pretty sure I can figure this out.” Why did I say that? Did I need to recite my resume to her? I’m already hired. I don’t NEED to impress her but my ego tells me that I must show her that she is not the only person with background in this school district. She is not the only know it all around here.
So, I said all of that to ask this: why do we over compensate? Is it because we don’t feel secure about ourselves? Because we don’t think we’re smart/ hard-working/ beautiful/ courageous/et cetera and we’re hoping that someone else will tell us the opposite?
And, why do I seem to be the person who consistently falls in the ego trap comparing my strengths with the strengths (or weaknesses depending on perspective) with others? Am I unsatisfied with myself? Am I unsatisfied with the One Who made me? I know my calling and what I’m supposed to be doing in life and I’m actually doing it. Is there a reason for me to not feel worthy of this calling/ position?
I don’t have the answers to these questions but since I was sooooooo bothered by her I figured that she must’ve triggered something in me to elicit such a strong response.