personality

Lies are one thing I can’t stand.

Have I ever told a lie? Yes. Many times. Do I regret it? Yes. The thing is that once a person hears something over and over, they start to believe it. Growing up, my mom always told me how smart I was and I believed it. This worked out for me since I’m a teacher now and I’ve got some education under my belt but the issue I have with this is what about the other good qualities that I possessed that she didn’t highlight?

Did she tell me I was pretty or cute or even beautiful? No. Did she tell me that I was giving and generous? No. As far as I knew, the only thing that I had “going for me” were my smarts. I can’t really say that I blame my mom. I think she was trying to find something, anything positive that she could point out to me to make me feel special…maybe there weren’t very many good things about me from her perspective.

Was she attempting to scar me? No. Did she know she had the potential of scarring me? Probably not. But I gave my mom lots of power because she was the most powerful person that I knew. So whatever she said, I believed because…why would she lie to me? I didn’t set about writing this post to talk about parents. What I wanted to touch on was lies. How they impact people.

Another thing people lie about?   Being happy for others when they accomplish something.  Am I guilty of this one?  You’d better believe it.  It’s not really that I’m lying, it’s that I’m happy with a twinge of jealousy.  So, that may be lying but I’m not entirely certain yet.  I’m in this really weird place where I’m not accomplishing any goals.  But I’ve been trying not to have any goals so that I can give myself a break.  That’s a story for another day.  The stories that I’m most jealous of are my friends who are accomplishing lots of fitness goals.  I’m happy for them and the cool, new things that they are finding that they are capable of but I’m also jealous.  I’m jealous that they’re doing all of this cool stuff while I’m just here pregnant and trying not to eat every single thing that I can get my hands on.  Haha!  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way feeling sorry for myself but I feel the need to just sort of let this out.  What better way than in a public forum that holds my vulnerability up for scrutiny?  Isn’t that fun?!

It’s nice to end a blog entry with a nice, new piece of wisdom that I’ve discovered about the topic that I’m covering but I don’t have any wisdom.  I just know that there’s still a lot of work that needs to be completed within me so that I can truly be happy for people (including my friends) without being jealous.  And I don’t want to feel as though I am lying when I congratulate them on their accomplishments.

 

 

 

sam

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Liar, liar. Pants on fire.

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