Why I Read

Run away and never come back. I’ve been wanting to do that for as long as I can remember. I always thought that as I got older that the feeling would go away but, alas, it gets worse every year. As I keep making not so great decisions about my future my thirst for a whole new life just gets stronger. That’s where reading comes in.
Reading is like a drug to me. I don’t have to think about all the bad shit going on in my life if I just read. Once I get engrossed in a book everything else falls away. I focus totally on what’s going on in the story and my mind feels like it’s resting. If the book is good enough I even forget to eat or take bathroom breaks! There’s nothing better to me than the feeling of reading a great book that keeps my attention.
But reading can make me unhappy sometimes. The thing is, I want to be those characters so bad that once I’m done reading the book all I can think is how much I hate myself. I sit there after I’m done and think to myself,
“Why couldn’t I be born beautiful or rich or in a different place?” And I imagine what it would be like to have everything I wanted or at least not have to struggle constantly for the things I need. Reality always comes back when I look around and I don’t see the setting of the last book I read. And then I feel depressed.
It’s a pretty interesting cycle, really.
I love it and hate it.

I just want a whole new life in a whole new place.
D

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3 thoughts on “Why I Read

  1. You know, I’m the type of person who feels that if you don’t like your life then do something to change it. One little step at a time is all that you can do. You’re more like me than I think you realize. I, too, was at a point where I was tired of my life and I wanted a new start. I wanted to leave this place and go somewhere (anywhere) else. But the thing that I realized is that no matter where I went, I’d still be there. It was impossible for me to escape myself. Unfortunately. Or maybe not so unfortunately.

    Just take itty bitty steps that will lead you to what your really want. Each move must be strategic. You will have to think to yourself, “Is this going to help me achieve my goals?” If the thing doesn’t lead you in the direction of your goals then don’t do it. Seriously.

    You are truly capable of achieving whatever it is that you decide to strive for. Right now, it sounds like you’re doing an excellent job of sabotaging yourself. You don’t have to read books to escape the life you’re living all the time, you can just start living the life you write.

    Love you always,

    sam

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