Ten. 

The last two years were easily the most difficult years of my life. I struggled with being controlling. I struggled with defining my importance based on Who I belong to instead of what I do (or what I don’t do). I struggled with accepting my extraordinary body. I realized I had post partum depression. I sought help. And here we are: nine months after I began treatment for PPD. Here we are embarking on our 10th wedding anniversary on August 12.  It is all so surreal.

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#WardrobeInAWeek?

So you guys know that I’m definitely feet first into this whole sewing thing.  Remember that I had the Great Purge of 2016?  Thanks a lot, Marie Kondo…  One of the topics she tackles in her book (that I do not recommend you waste your time reading) is that we also need to clear out the clutter in our digital files.  Well, wouldn’t you know that I was also a bit nervous about that?  I have so many files on my computer.  Lesson plans, awesome worksheets and ideas for lesson plans (that I haven’t even used yet), all the digital files of my paper lesson plans that I left for the future teachers who come into my the classroom.  Well, I didn’t have to purge my computer files.  Go figure.  Fate did it for me.
My hard drive completely crashed.  Like completely.  My poor Mac was just giving me this screen:
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I can’t.

Note: I almost didn’t publish this blog post.  But, I think in order for me to be able to climb out of the darkness, I’ve got to put things in the light.  I was afraid of what people would think if I admitted what I’m struggling with.  Because I may seem like this doesn’t affect me.  That’s the thing though, I refuse to be ashamed or in denial of my circumstances.  I refuse to continue to go through life the way I have been.  I can’t…

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I think I’ve finally realized why I’ve been so overwhelmed. Why this transition has been so freaking hard. Why, no matter how hard I try to implement mind over matter it’s not working. Continue reading