Transformation. Day twenty five.
I think it was 2009 when I watched Chris Rock’s documentary called “Good Hair” during my research phase of the natural hair movement (if that’s what you want to call it). Life experience up to this point already told me that I had to make a different choice for my hair. I would get sores in my scalp any time I got a relaxer and then there was that time shortly after my wedding in 2006 when I got a touch up for the relaxer too close to my color touch up and all of the highlighted parts of my hair fell out. That was lovely.
In 2009, I was struggling in my role as a wife. I was still selfish to the core and (though I didn’t know it then) selfishness is not conducive to fostering a marriage. In fact, selfishness, is the antithesis of marriage. Lysa Terkeurst posted a fabulous quote on Facebook the other day,
“Getting married doesn’t instantly make you selfless; it makes you realize how very selfish you can be at times.
Getting married doesn’t make you feel loved; it makes you realize love is more of a decision you make than a feeling you feel.
Getting married doesn’t take away loneliness; it makes you realize true companionship comes not when you demand it but rather when you give it to another person.”
I was having some (I say “some” to take a little of the sting away) trouble grasping the concept of selflessness. I was also dealing with depression…again. It seemed as as though there was no way to escape the darkness that had plagued me on and off for probably my whole life. I decided to begin taking anti depressants which really made Wes sad. He began fasting for my healing from depression.
If I can remember correctly, all of this was happening and I realized that I had to make a change if I wanted this marriage thing to work. So when I cut my hair, it was a symbolic act as well. It symbolized the beginning of my journey to become the best possible wife for Wes. I also began trying to defeat depression with a change in my sedentary lifestyle and, later on, with the way that I ate. So far, so good.